If You Were Paid $1,000,000…

…would you unwrap a fortune cookie that contains the exact date and time of your death?

Answer: Yes

Reason: Assuming the date isn’t the next day, week, or month, I would gladly find out my time of death. Think about it: I’d be able to get certain things done by the time I died, stuff usually left until the last minute because of not knowing/realizing they need to be done, and I’d be able to actually make the most of my life before my time was up. I would have peace of mind in the knowledge, not having to worry about things left undone/unsaid, and I’d have focus, direction, in my life as to what I’d try to accomplish and what I’d leave behind.

Also, the biggest reason I’d want to open that cookie and be paid a million dollars (besides the fact that HELLO! It’s a million dollars!) is that I’d know exactly how much suffering I have left and when I can look forward to leaving this world.


Comment your choice and reason(s) below…please :)

(I heard this question asked on morning radio, and was interested in what you guys would choose)

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Posted by on August 27, 2014 in Trivia


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When Fun Is No Longer FUN

It’s no longer FUN when you’re FORCED to participate…

It’s no longer FUN when you’re EXPECTED to waste valuable time and resources you DON’T have…

It’s no longer FUN when everyone wants to STOP and aren’t allowed to…


It’s no longer FUN when NO ONE CARES enough two days into it to put their best into the project…

Seriously, you constantly PUKE out that it’s “not mandatory participation”, yet YELL and SCREAM at us, REPRIMANDING those non-participants in front of everyone.

You say you ENCOURAGE everyone to participate, but can’t UNDERSTAND when someone bows out gracefully.

You ATTEMPT to make the so-called “fun” project EASY to do, but DEMAND we spend our own money AS WELL.

When we try to EXPLAIN ourselves, you BRUSH US ASIDE saying we’re not BEING AN EXAMPLE to our teams.

How about YOU try to create a MASTERPIECE while juggling WORK and LIFE and BILLS?

How about YOU spend $100 you DON’T have on something you DON’T CARE ABOUT?

How about YOU walk a month in MY shoes?


When YOU come to ME trying to get some slack…don’t complain when I DON’T CARE.



(And so ends my slam-poem-inspired-rant-post)

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Posted by on August 26, 2014 in Rants


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22 Years

Today is my birth day and I’ve officially turned 22. (I don’t celebrate birthdays, so you may comment as you wish, but “Happy Birthday” means nothing to me.)

So why am I not happy?

A couple, not a lot, but there are a few reasons:

First of which is that I wasn’t ever supposed to live through my 21st year, much less reach my 22nd.


Secondly, I have bad memories attached to the number 22. I guess I shouldn’t say ‘bad’…more like, distasteful.

Lately I’ve been having trouble coming to terms with my, very living, state of being and reconciling that between my lesser-but-still-present desire to die, my joy over being able to participate in things I thought I’d miss in an early death, and my stubborn tendencies.

I fight every day with the fact that I’d rather not be here and the fact that I don’t mind living any more. There’s nothing overly awesome about living that’s keeping me here…and I think that’s what I have a problem with right now. There’s literally NOTHING keeping me here and that’s a twisted thing to think for some people when I try to explain it to them because they point out my younger siblings and my religion and blah, blah, blah…

am glad that I got to witness certain things that I’d’ve missed, but at the same time…I consciously gave those same exact things up when I chose to take the pills. So while I’m glad to witness my brother’s graduation, it’s obviously not something I would’ve stayed alive to see.

I realize that life is hard and many people have it worse than me (I HATE when people say that), but at the same time, you have to have something to live for, something in your life that’s worth doing, even if it’s just short-term…and I got nothing. At least, nothing my stubbornness will allow me to take as a legit reason…I’ll suffice with saying that I don’t want to live, but I don’t care that I’m living either.

Indifference is insufferable.


P.S. In some kind of half-assed attempt to prove to myself that there’s something real and good about living, I’m taking these next 22 days and posting on my Instagram something I’m glad I didn’t miss in death. Go ahead and check it out if you’re bored enough…you’re already reading this :P @caliwhatcaliwowcaliwhencalihow

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Posted by on August 25, 2014 in Diary-Ish


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Ribbon Awareness Days-Blue, Purple, Red, Teal

I decided to split up my ribbon awareness days into multiple posts because if I had put all the colors into one post, it would’ve taken an hour just to scroll to the bottom, forget reading it. So in order to actually be useful to someone (and because I love even numbers), I’m splitting up all the colors into posts of four until completion. How many that is, I have no idea. Have fun! P.S. I would like to point out that the causes for each colored ribbon are ordered in no particular way. The first cause that pops to mind/I find is the first one I list.

  1. Blue Ribbon

Cause #1:  Mouth Cancer Awareness

Main Names/Organizations: Blue Ribbon Appeal (UK); Oral, Neck, and Head Cancer Awareness Week (USA)

Dates: Month of November (UK), April 20th thru 26 (or the Month of April depending which US state you live in)

Links: Mouth Cancer (UK)

American Association of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgeons (USA)

 Head and Neck (USA)

Cause #2:  Child Abuse Prevention

Main Names/Organizations: Prevent Child Abuse America; Child Advocacy Services (local level); The National Alliance of Children’s Trust Funds

Dates: Month of April

Among certain groups the light-blue ribbon is worn braided around the wrist by survivors of physical/sexual abuse and/or in the memory of victims.

Links: Prevent Child Abuse America



Cause #3:  Bullying (general)

Main Names/Organizations: B.A.R.E.; Pacer

Dates: Month of October (USA), November 17th thru 22 (Canada holds a Bullying Awareness and Prevention Week beginning the third Sunday of every November)

Links: B.A.R.E


Stop Bullying

Cause #4:  Human Trafficking/Sex Slavery

Dates: January 11th

Links: HTAP


Other Causes: Water Safety, Save The Music, Polio Awareness, Teens Against Smoking, Malaria, Free Speech, Arthritis, Alopecia

  1. Purple Ribbon

Cause #1:  Gay Bullying Awareness

Main Names/Organizations: Spirit Day

Dates: October 16th

Links: GLAAD

Cause #2:  National Cancer Survivor Day

Dates: First Sunday of June

The purple ribbon is usually only worn by those who are survivors and their relatives.

Links: NCSD

Cause #3:  International Overdose Awareness

In the USA it is symbolized by a purple ribbon, but elsewhere it is a silver badge/ribbon

Dates: August 31st

Links: OverdoseDay

Cause #4:  Epilepsy

Main Names/Organizations: Purple Day

Dates: March 26th, the First Thursday of November

Links: PurpleDay


Epilepsy Action

Cause #5:  March of Dimes

Dates: Middle of April to beginning of May depending which city you walk in

Links: March of Dimes

Other Causes: Homophobia (Spirit Day), Animal Abuse, Alzheimer’s Disease, Migraine Awareness, Pagan Pride, Lupus Awareness, Cystic Fibrosis, Pancreatic Cancer, Religious Tolerance, Homelessness

  1. Red Ribbon

Cause #1:  AIDS/HIV Awareness

Dates: March 20th (National Native), April 10th (National Youth), May 18th (HIV Vaccine Awareness Day), May 19th (National Asian & Pacific Islander)/(Hepatitis Testing Day), June 8th (Caribbean American), June 27th (National HIV Testing Day), September 18th (National HIV/AIDS and Aging), September 27th (National Gay Men), October 15th (National Latino), December 1st (World AIDS Day)


World AIDS Day

Cause #2:  Substance Abuse

Main Names/Organizations: Red Ribbon Campaign

Dates: Month of October (National Substance Abuse Prevention Month), October 23rd thru 31st (Red Ribbon Week)



Cause #3:  Dating Violence

Main Names/Organizations: Project Red Flag; The Red Flag Campaign

Dates: None (there isn’t a specific “observance period” because it’s ongoing)

Links: theredflagcampaign


Other Causes: Software Freedom Campaign, Hemophilia, Heart Disease Awareness, High Blood Pressure, MADD, Tuberculosis, Factor XI Deficiency, Blood Cancer

  1. Teal Ribbon

Cause #1:  Fragile X Syndrome

Main Names/Organizations: The Fragile X Association of Australia (they have an orange colored ribbon there); National Fragile X Advocacy Day; National Fagile X Foundation

Dates: Month of July, July 22nd, March 4th-5th (Advocacy Day)

Links: Fragile X

Association of Australia


Cause #2:  MRSA

Main Names/Organizations: MRSA Survivors Network

Dates: April 1st-7th (International MRSA Testing Week), June 13th (MRSA Action Day)–UK, October 2nd (World MRSA Day), October 16th-22nd (International Infection Prevention Week)

Links: MRSA 

Medline Plus

Cause #3:  Military Sexual Trauma (MST)

Main Names/Organizations: Make The Connection, Military Rape Crisis Center

Dates: Month of April, May 30th

Links: Make The Connection


Military Rape Crisis Center

Cause #4:  Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Dates: October 13th-19th (International OCD Awareness Week)

Links: International OCD Foundation


Other Causes: PTSD, Ovarian Cancer, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Tourette’s Syndrome, Food Allergies, Desmoid Tumors

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Posted by on August 24, 2014 in Therapy


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Ribbon Awareness Days-White, Black, Orange, Yellow

I love “participation days”…days where I can wear something, a ribbon, a bracelet, a certain color, a drawing on my wrist, anything really, that shows that I either A) support/respect the cause or B) have been effected by the issue in some way. I’m a loner geekworm (geek and bookworm smooshed together), so it’s nice when I can join in on something that makes me feel part of a community…even when the only person who sees me participate is my cat. (So I guess I’m a lonegeekworm cat lady…)

But there are so many causes and “days” in which to take part in or support that I lose track and next thing I know, it’s been two months since that one happened, and I have a week to prepare for the next. So I decided to break it all down in a couple of posts. This one is about Awareness/Prevention Days/Weeks that are signified with colored ribbons. The ribbons can either be drawn on a hand or wrist, or a piece of any type of fabric may be tied around the wrist.

I got the main list from Wikipedia and Awareness Ribbons and then tried to research more into the cause(s) that the color signifies. All lesser-known causes are given honorable mention.

  1. White Ribbon

Cause #1: (Sexual) Violence Against Women

Main Names/Organizations: White Ribbon (Canada); 16 Days of Action

Dates: Nov. 25th thru Dec. 6th (Canada), Nov. 25th thru Dec. 10th

This is mainly for men and their sons to participate in, to show their support for women and learn how to behave towards women.

Links: White Ribbon Campaign

16 Days of Action

Cause #2: Teen/Unwanted/Unplanned Pregnancy

Main Names/Organizations: The National Campaign; Day to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy; National Teen Pregnancy Prevent Month

Date: May 6th

Many cities pick their own date to hold their “Day to Prevent…”, but the main day is the 6th

Links: National Campaign

Stay Teen


Advocates For Youth

Cause #3: Self-Harm/Injury Prevention

Date: March 1st

A white ribbons signifies you support those trying to recover and are in favor of making this subject more open to being talked about. You don’t necessarily self-harm if you wear a white ribbon.

Links: Life Signs

Other Causes: Child (Sexual) Abuse, Lung Cancer, Survivors of Molestation, Anti-(Child) Pornography, Adoption/Adoptee, Anti-War, Anti-Stalking, Blindness, Holocaust Remembrance, Bone Cancer/Disease, Peace (in general)

  1. Black Ribbon

Cause #1: Suicide Awareness/Prevention

Main Names/Organizations: To Write Love On Her Arms

Dates: September 8th-14th (World Suicide Prevention Week); September 10th (Suicide Awareness/Prevention Day)

This ribbon color is only worn by those who have been effected by, or attempted, suicide personally.


Suicide Prevention


Cause #2: Self-Harm/Injury Awareness, Suicide Awareness (again), Binging/Purging/Starving Awareness

Main Names/Organizations: Tumblr (This was a movement that sprang from a social media outlet and many more are coming to light as well because people are realizing they don’t have to rely on organizations to get the word out for themselves.)

Date: November 30th

This is only for those who have personally suffered from the above issues or are in recovery.

Links: Life Signs

Cause #3: Violence Against Men

Main Names/Organizations: A Voice For Men;  Shrink4Men

Date: Month of October

I am not surprised that there is so little being done for abused men…women abuse just as badly as men do.

Links: A Voice For Men


Cause #4: Mourning (in general)

Other Causes: Students For Gun Control, Melanoma Awareness, Wiccan/Pagan Rights Awareness, Black Lung, Transgender Hate Crime Awareness

  1. Orange Ribbon

Cause #1: Self-Harm/Injury Prevention (again), Self-Harm/Injury Awareness (again)

Date: March 1st and October 1st respectively

This color is only worn by those who have harmed in the past or are in recovery, as opposed to the white ribbon.

Links: Life Signs

Young Minds

Cause #2: Leukemia Awareness

Date: Month of September

Main Names/Organizations: Blood Cancer Month; American Cancer Society

Links: LLS

American Cancer Society

Cause #3: ADHD Awareness

Date: Month of October

Links: ADHD


Other Causes:  Malnutrition Awareness, Against Animal Cruelty, Lupus, Kidney Cancer, Motorcycle Safety, Bullying (see Blue Ribbon)

  1. Yellow Ribbon

Cause #1: Suicide Prevention (again)

Date: Any of the previously listed ones

Main Names/Organization: Yellow Ribbon Program

This color can be worn by anyone, suicidal or not.

Links: Yellow Ribbon

Cause #2: Equality Day (in general)

Dates: Month of February/October (LGBT History Month in UK/US respectively), March 21st (International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination), May 21st (Diversity Day), May 17th (International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia), September 21st (International Day of Peace), November 16th (International Day for Tolerance), December 10th (International Human Rights Day)

Links: LGBT History Month


Diversity Day

Human Rights Day

Other Causes: Deployed Military, Armed Forces Return, Adoptive Parents, Bladder Cancer, Liver Cancer/Disease, Genocide Awareness, Support The Troops, Obesity, POW/MIA, Sarcoma, Amber Alert

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Posted by on August 14, 2014 in Therapy


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5 Confessions-August

  1. I’m obsessed with even numbers, but I also like numbers with denominators of 5
  2. I tell my aunt I’m okay living with my two roommates, but one of them is REALLY beginning to irritate me.
  3. A man would actually be nice, but then I think of why it shouldn’t happen.
  4. I might fake being confidant with my body, but I constantly go back and forth between hating my body and being okay with it.
  5. I’m scared to move out East even though it’d be good for me.



Posted by on August 13, 2014 in Monthly Confessions


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5 Things My Father Taught Me

A couple days ago, I bought Krispy Kreme donuts for my team at work. It was an impulse buy really; the HOT NOW sign flashing in my face. After I had ordered, I sat there in my car and let my brain wander (which I really shouldn’t do; it’s far too small to be out on its own). And then…an epiphany. One of the reasons I was so looking forward to eating my donut was because I had purchased freshly made, plain-glazed original from K.K…something my father had admonished me to do when I was younger.

The only time he’d buy donuts there was when the HOT NOW sign was on and even then, it was only the plain originals. And then I went on to think about the other little life hacks my father had taught me over the years; things you won’t find from self-help/how-to books or a classroom. Here is my list:

  • Only buy Krispy Kreme donuts when the HOT NOW sign is on and only buy the original glazed. If you must, wait the extra 2 minutes to grab a box with ones fresh off the belt. (Buying from the shelf when the sign is on defeats the purpose.)
  • ALWAYS close the pizza box after you get your slice. Never leave it open, or all the heat will escape and your pizza will turn lukewarm. (Pizza is only good hot or cold, never in-between.)
  • Don’t hesitate when you’re driving. Either you shoot the gap or you don’t. Either you run the yellow light or you don’t. Hesitating because you’re scared, or unsure you’ll make it, will kill you.
  • If you’ve made friends with someone who continuously drags you down or pulls on your friendship like a drain, dump them as nicely as possible, but DUMP THEM. There are times when a friend is in need, and you can help and there are times where you are in need and a friend will help. But if they’re using you 99% of the time and you don’t ever find yourself asking them for something, they’re eventually going to tire you out and you’ll end up resenting them.
  • Guys like legs more than anything else; you can be flat all around, but have a great leg and still work it. Smooth, not necessarily tanned, but toned legs shown off in a nice heel-skirt combo is the ultimate asset. (Unfortunately for me, I have a billion scars from my knees down to my ankles from being a tomboy, but the guy I’d want wouldn’t be interested in a girl who doesn’t go on adventures anyways…sorry not sorry dad.)

Posted by on August 12, 2014 in My Family


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